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by David Durovy We have heard the phrase "space, the final frontier" echoing on our television screens for years announcing the start of a Star Trek adventure. Although I don’t think that creator Gene Rodenberry knew it, he was right—except for the direction. It is not outer but inner space that is the final frontier, at least for human beings (not human doings remember). The therapeutic process has known this for eons of course; as did the ancient oracle at Delphi in Greece which had engraved in its stone arches the words, "Know Thyself." There are also Biblical references to "inward" directions (The kingdom of heaven is within for example) as well as wisdom from the East which has recommended inner work as the path toward liberation. We in our culture have a bit of a hard time spending time in inner silence. Our methods of prayer are mostly in the direction of verbal praise and words, silent words with requests for needs and wants, group praise and worship and communal prayer. Meditation and contemplation are little known skills in our western culture. Seldom do we follow the direction given "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).
Not meaning to start a debate on religious practices, nor to even talk about religion, rather merely to point out the value of the inner space as seen through the ages and from various diverse viewpoints. Mindfulness is a practice or the doorway to "what's inside." It doesn’t tell you what to find, just where and how to look. What you find there will be dearly personal yet not always pleasant. But it will be valuable, both to you as a person and a parent. James Lehman says "remember, it's very difficult for children to mature emotionally in areas where their parents are still immature." If a parent cannot take a good look at what is going on inside themselves, it is hard or impossible to ask a child to tell them what is going on inside them. We as parents have to have in our parenting toolbox the 3R’s— Reflect, Relate, Regulate. Without an effective step 1, steps 2 – 3 may never happen. We are not talking about mystical experiences but just trying to be a little more present in our own life. I read a quote recently that nicely describes this opening up in a very non-threatening, non "wu-wu" way (wu-wu defined by the Urban Dictionary as excessively new-agey, interested in astrology, non-scientific. Religious or mystically inclined), "I felt something change inside my mind, and it was a physical sensation, though very small, as if four tiny walls had been moved outward a few inches, or a door cut in one of them, a sliver of light peeking through, nothing more." Man, what I wouldn’t give to have a few inches of space in my life sometimes… Bryan has been talking about mindfulness for quite some time now (the opposite of mindlessness which we are all guilty of at times) and we will be offering more help in this direction in the coming months. Although you may start by quietly sitting, the goal is to take this quiet into the world, especially when the world of the family and our beloved disregulated kids are anything but quiet. More like loud, screaming, cussing and threatening. As a gift this month, we are offering a guide put together by Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn called Cultivating Mindfulness. Print it out and post it on your refrigerator. Then look at it daily and work on the various steps. Think on these things as you go about your daily parenting. Jon Kabat-Zinn (who founded the Center for Mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts Medial School in 1995 http://www.umassmed.edu/content.aspx?id=41252) has been teaching mindfulness as a path to stress reduction as well as "the art of facing life's difficulties in ways that lead to effective solutions and to inner peace and harmony." -Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD. He calls this Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). For the results of a study done to determine the effectiveness of MBSR, click here to see the results of a study posted on the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health website: A pilot study comparing the effects of mindfulness-based and cognitive-behavioral stress reduction For those of you in the Charlotte NC area (or anywhere for that matter) interested in finding out more on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, contact network member Dr. Lindsay Bridges 704-299-0768
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who offers courses in MBSR. Lindsay Bridges, MD became interested in MBSR through her work as a Family Medicine physician. She trained extensively for teaching MBSR through the University of Massachusetts Medical School Center for Mindfulness and has completed the UMass Center for Mindfulness Teacher Certification for MBSR . She has been teaching MBSR in a variety of hospital and health professional training centers since 2002. Mindfulness and meditation practices are an integral part of her daily life. Dr. Bridges also has a number of interesting studies (NIH study mentioned here, links and articles on her website on the topic of mindfulness. http://charlottemindfulnessliving.org |
